What was I taking a break from?!

My last post was in January. JAN-U-A-RY. What followed later of course, has been nothing short of divine comedy. My preparations to transition from being film-student to film-maker, learning of the greatness that is, xkcd, grieving the loss of my grandmother, ending a roller coaster relationship, ending film school, being part of film school, spending some of the most beautiful moments I could possibly ever have, learning and enjoying more of the delight that is Prague, eating ice-cream in a snowstorm. (Events listed in reverse chronological order). The present of course seems to be so much funnier, it almost seems staged. Really. How else does one explain the visit to Bombay. Or the trip to Kodai. (Don't worry, an explanation to either, is not coming up, anytime soon)

Reading my previous post in this blog, pushes me a little into reflection. I don't think I disagree with it at all. Good. I'm still sane and coherent. But I don't know where I'm quoting this from, but "with time, comes acceptance". My relationships, of all kinds, just amuse me now. Maybe it's a cynical way to be, but really, the "tragedy" of everything just seems surreal. I should say, personally, being amused is a lot better way to live than being bitter about things. And it feels gooooood. Not getting angry when you think of someone or see them, I'd say is a good thing.

The bigger tragedy I see these days personally, is how little people sweat it out for relationships. That client from some bankrupt company in some bitch-ass country that's between the Pacific and the Atlantic gets 50 "man"-hours of your time a week, and your lover of years gone by, and decades to come, get's an hour, maybe two in the same week? Screw you people. Honestly speaking, you disgust me. More people being irresponsible in relationships equals, more relationships ending badly equals, more people not trusting the next crazy guy/girl to come along equals, fewer options for the next crazy guy/girl to come along - ME!!! (haven't met too many crazy girls of late).

I have finally bounded my theory and understanding of humans, and their relationships, into a full fledged thought-book. It's taken almost a decade of observing, being amused, shocked, and intrigued at probably one of the most unique aspects of the human species. And as a person who knows this book inside out, I should say... It doesn't look good. Not for me atleast.

But, "Hope is the elixir of life" (Tara- A play by Mahesh Dattani). That, and you don't get bogged down.

I don't know how depressed all this makes me sound, but truthfully, I love my life.

Sissiest post ever.

I had refrained from commenting on the following topic for more reasons than one... But something off late made me revisit old demons, and i thought an ambiguous passage of text may help in keeping the closet shut for a longer period this time around.It's weird how experiences change our approach to life and the events that surround it. But then again, i must quote "the more that things change, the more it seems, that they're the same". How many times will it take you to learn that when you have sensitive teeth, eating lots of sour chocolates and candy makes it very uncomfortable to eat for two days after. How many frames of film will you lose before you finally give up on people and start shooting still life or nature or cityscape. How many times will you fall in love with something that was never meant to be, and come off it feeling like a pumpkin.Before the reading mind jumps the seven seas to assume what I'm talking about, I will re-quote myself from the previous text. How many times will you fall in love with something, that was never meant to be. Something. Not someone. The worst part of living a romanticist life is the obvious lack of conversion of romanticised thoughts into achievable reality. Expectations are to a person, what instant coffee is to a connoisseur (I possibly couldn't come up with a worse analogy). It holds promise at first breath, and just a sip down, and it leaves a bad aftertaste. You're then left wondering what you were doing hoping for anything better in the first place... But then again, expectations are what make us live. (Just how significant are our expectations to the universe? Well, 6 billion people on planet Earth, a 100 billion stars like our Sun in the milkyway, and a 100 billion galaxies like the milkyway. That's one part in 60000 billion billion billion parts of importance for each one of us. In simple English, the universe doesn't give a f*** about what you want- that's my rendition of the vishwaroopadarshana) So how many times will you let your expectations fall before you substitute for what you're expecting. (All that's here is in rhetoric, hence no question marks)But you move on, just cover up your tracks, and move on saying nothing ever happened. What you don't see isn't there, right. But it's one of those days that the carpet slips and all the dirt you swept under it comes pluming out. Something reaches into your chest, pushes up to your throat, grabs your squirming tongue and pulls it down towards your navel. You're left looking around trying to make sense of it, wondering if you live a farcical life, pretending that the dirt under the carpet was never really there. Amores perros baby. Of whatever kind, I'm not talking of people. Rather, I'm not talking only of people.

This post is an old one, older than this date suggests. First published in Veiled arches, November 4th 2007.

I'm guilty.

After needlessly posting sissy material on my worldly blog, I decided my act was two letters short of being a crime. So this one is for all the sissy requirements of my heart, soul, mind, knees and elbows.

Now if you're Indian and wondering what Mrichakatika is, shame on you. Google it.
If you aren't Indian but are curious to know, click here... (It's incomplete as yet, but it will be updated I'm assuming).

I feel terribly guilty, for having used the name of such a monumental piece of literature. This sin, I hope to justify by the end of my lives. The means of which I will elaborate when it will appear that I can.